Do you ever have those moments when you have a million thoughts and you feel as if you don't organize them in some fashion you will explode...okay maybe it's just me but that's how i feel tonight.
I've been so "busy" lately with work, school, mom/wife life that I have given up on some things that I so treasured and that has been hard for me. Is this why so many people are grumpy these days? (don't worry I didn't give up my coffee).
Tonight I said goodnight to logan and took time to read my devotional and Bible which I have to confess I have been slacking. Which got me thinking I have so many distractions that I have let get in the way. I really do need to make time and cut out the excuses.
I miss having my weekly bible study and now I truly understand the mom at church complaining about the 10 a.m. women's group. I feel as though I'm slowly beginning to see that divide of working moms vs. stay-at-home moms [It's totally cool you obsess over what kind of food you feed your kid while I'm over here just hoping to get a home cooked meal on the table] Kudos to you mom (denise) I get it now. Don't get me wrong I think it is awesome that mom's can stay-at-home and I wish I was one of them, but I know if I want my kids to go to college (or put a decent roof over our heads) I'm going to have to put my college degree to good use.
So onto the next random thought...the house went on the market last week well (5) days ago. WHAT?! okay I just got over the fact that we were home owners and now we are selling our first home. I have had a total failure in letting go of control with this, and tonight I was reminded of this in my devotional. It was talking about faith and what that word means. I have to let go and that is easier said than done. But when I prayed tonight it was one of those prayers where I just sighed afterwards. A weight has lifted off and one that I need to remember I don't have to carry. I don't have to carry the worry, the fear, or the anxiety. I need to give it up.
Finally, looking toward the future I have hope that we will be in a place that is good for us. A place that will bring us together. We have spent so much time apart since being married and I am ready to have my family together again.
P.S. finally finally, being a mom of a toddler is beyond hard. It doesn't so much make me cry (i have a hard time crying over big stuff, I cry over little stuff like romantic movies or those puppy adoption commercials) but it makes me question myself as a mother, am I really cut out for this? It's hard. Any words of encouragement or scripture is welcome at this moment, because I am not alone and I need to reach out more!
Alright, that is all :)
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