Feelings

SO feelings are never a great subject with me, I'm better at writing them down and thought this was a good time to do so. Especially since I almost cried when the Starbucks man asked how my day was going today.

Showing a house is stressful. SO STRESSFUL. I try not to stress but let me tell you when you have a one year old who undoes everything you just did it is hard to rearrange your day for a stranger. Then when those strangers come into your home and leave not giving much feedback at all or being picky about things it is super stressful. It makes me want to just yell "MY KID DIDNT NAP TODAY!" or "MY HOME IS BEAUTIFUL" I pray a lot but I've always had a problem letting go and not worrying. It's day by day I suppose.

I guess the real thing that is bothering me is that I love my house but the town I am in is so lonely at times. Everyone has their problems I get that but I feel like I give and have no return a lot. Friendship I guess you would call it? So I am extremely guarded now and it is hard for me to ask for help here in Georgia. Actually I wouldn't even know who to ask. I am beyond ready to move back home where I know I want to build a life and I know I have people there that love me. It's a hard place to be, glad I have Logan and I guess I need to prepare myself better for the weeks that he working long days.

I guess if you are reading this I need prayers! Lots of them. For feelings of loneliness and for our house to sell!

P.S. I just told the Starbucks guy thank you and have a nice day, no real tears!

Time

My first job was when I was 14 working in the kitchen of a summer camp, because I wasn't old enough to be a counselor.  I was blessed with parents that showed me a good work ethic and continued to hold a job until I was pregnant with Ben. As many people know it was right after I resigned from my teaching job to come to Georgia. I have to say Best. Decision. Of. My. Life. Having that break allowed me time, time to heal from my father's passing, time to be a wife, time to think about what I wanted in the future. Although sometimes I think it was too much time (a lot of netflix too) I am now realizing how much of it I lack these days. 

There is a point you reach when you become a parent when you realize things are never going to slow down. It's full speed ahead from here, forget sleep, no time for that. So the moments that I do get to "slow down" or just "take a breath" even if it won't last long. I do it now. I take full advantage. This past Monday I didn't have a vehicle. Which I see now is a blessing because I had a full day of errands and things to be done. Instead I stayed inside and just played with Ben (although I did get some school things done). But I forgot how good it was to feel as if we had all the time in the world just to be silly and have fun.  

Here is Ben showing his "masterpiece" which primarily was him taking the cap on and off the marker but you know, it was a blast (he thinks there's no time for pants...).

Having a toddler has made me stop and look at life the way I used to, to look at things the way he sees them. Remember a time when we loved to play simply? I love watching him play with his cars...taking the time to enjoy these moments is a lesson I am learning daily. Knowing when to stop for the things that matter and not to let the clock run our schedule. 

One last picture, because why not? I know time with loved ones is not replaced and that is ever so important for me to drop everything for those I love. Here is a picture from when my mom was here, we went to the aquarium and it was a blast.