I almost debated not blogging because I felt as though most of my blogs are just a sleep deprived mother venting. Then I realized I'm not the only one and the thing that helps me the most is finding others to relate to.
So things I have done in the past 24 hours
Cried
Googled Sleep Training (at 4am)
Cried some more
hugged my three year old!! (How is this possible?)
Left my house technically in what I wore to sleep (t-shirt and yoga pants)
Realized I was wearing all black...but it was too late to turn back
Let my kids take a nap in the car
Ate a cookie cake for lunch
Placed an order at McDonald's only to remember I left my wallet at home
Got out of line, went home, then back to a different McDonald's (only for B's birthday)
Took a 7 min shower (I considered this a win)
Wondered if the sticky substance in my hair was snot or spit up
Checked my bank account, cried some more
Looked at the clock and counted down the hours until bedtime (four)
Wondered if I was ruining my kids
Wished I was loosing weight (then remembered the cookie I ate for lunch)
and now I'm here, instead of folding laundry for the 100th time I am here getting my feelings out. Seems really lonely here lately in the in-between. Sure I'm here at home but it doesn't feel like home yet. Not without Logan here and not without my friends. It is hard. Its a hard time in my life with little support. I think there is a huge lesson at stake and one day I will figure it out but in the in between I just want to shout at the college aged girl in target complaining of being "so tired" or cry in the bathroom but I just can't. You know why? My kids. I have to keep pushing for them which sounds a little cliche but its true. They deserve the best.
I've had a lot of people this month just fail me and that's okay because honestly I cannot rely on them I have to rely on God. This was hard for me because I love community. I love the thought taking care of one another. I had that everyday in Georgia. I do still have those people in my life and oh my goodness I am glad. They lift me up when all I do is feel like falling.
So to you tired moms, YOU are not alone.
