Leaving the Army

We left the army about two months ago now. I say we because it is not just Logan it is our family as a whole. I noticed to many army families leaving is always a goal. It is idolized, the fixer in a way. I cannot count how many times I heard "if only we were close to family" while in Georgia. Well not to be a debbie downer but leaving the army is not a "fix all." In fact it is the opposite.

Yes, it is wonderful to be close to family but after the initial hype people go back to their every day business. Leaving you behind with little support in the feelings you are feeling, because honestly they are hard ones to get unless you've traveled that road.

Now I do not want to sound ungrateful for the help from family I simply want to put into words how it is to leave the army, perhaps helping someone else along the way.

I think the biggest difference is the community. In the army you will get drama but people are willing to drop everything to help out. In the civilian world little things sometimes rock peoples worlds and dropping their schedules isn't a thing. You know what though, that's okay. Another thing I learned in the army is not to rely on other people for my happiness. I also have been reading Lysa TerKeurst's new book Uninvited and she makes a very valid point of saying we cannot depend on the unchanging, unpredictable occurrences of the world but look towards God, who is our stability.

Stability was not known in our lives the past few months. Not knowing where we would live was so incredibly terrifying to me. Which made me realize how spoiled I was and am to have the option of buying a house or a place to live. The army does take care of those basic needs which is a relief many do not have. Always knowing you will have a paycheck coming is foreign to some "civilians."

Also, the stay at home mom is more rare outside army life. Finding people to relate too is harder and harder. It is lonely. I know it will take time though and I will find friends. I think it was hard for me because of how little my babies are, this is the time I NEED to talk over coffee or just hang out. The army is good about that. Connecting people. However, the biggest difference is that now once I do connect with people there is a potential for long term friends that live close by. In the army you make those friends but distance often gets in the way of an everyday much needed friend.


I remember a friend saying to me when they left the army her marriage was a little rocky because they needed that time apart that the army so graciously provides for you. Now, I do not know this one as well yet because Logan will leave soon for 15 weeks but I do know it is weird to have him home in the mornings or to know a time he will be home. It kinda rocks my world sometimes but I know thats because I am a planner and I have a routine. So we are relearning ways to deal.

Well my kids are stirring so I am going to wrap this up, it was long, sorry about that. I do feel better writing these things out because it is hard. It is not what I imagined but it is real and I have to find joy in the life we are making. I love that my kids will have their dad home every day (after academy) and that they have the chance to make lifelong friends in the same town. I love that we will have stability once things settle. The army life seems like forever ago but I am grateful for that time we had. I miss it in a way.

A Day at a Time-Twins

Some things I have learned having twins:

It's isolating, especially with a toddler in the mix 

It takes hours to get out of the door

There is almost always one person crying at all times (including myself) 

Guilt is prevalent, theres never enough time 

We are famous 

People know my children as "the twins"

But...

It is so cool to watch their bond

They make me smile oh so much

There is always a baby to hold

I have an excuse (or two) to stay at home 

People are more than willing to help

These are just a few and I try to balance the positive with the negative. It is hard when I want to take ben on a walk or just sit and play with him because I can't. I just can't.  I have to remember to take it a day at a time and choose to hold on to the good.