Mom Groups

Here's the thing about mom groups. They are great. It gives you time to talk to other moms and usually let your littles get so worn out that by the time they get home they crash. Can anyone say nap?! Amen to that. However, sometimes the lovely littles just don't understand. Let me share a recent experience.

It's summer, my kids slept in, I took a shower, I was feeling pretty good. When I realized it was Thursday and there was a Mom's group, I thought, even better. Got all the kids dressed, packed the bag with snacks, extra clothes, toys, more snacks and the kitchen sink. Off we went. I was so excited to walk in with actual make up on my face and my kids halfway decent.

Fast forward 20 min. I hear shrill cries and my three year old has started to get in a fight over a silly object that I know there were multiple of, but he just HAD to have that one. Strike one. I thought we had recovered but another 30 minutes went by and again something happened. Then the flip of the switch, my normal decently behaved child turned into the "I want monster" Strike three came and we went to the bathroom because I refuse to completely embarrass my child in front of everyone and he had a choice go home or straighten up. He chose straighten up with words, not with actions though. So we pack up and left after maybe an hour.


So the moral of this story. Mom groups are great however we are all moms raising littles. In public places that is a learning experience for our kids. I will be the first to remove myself from the situation if it is not helping anyone.  I know my kid, I know myself. If I do not leave on strike three then you will see mean frustrated mommy. Although you may want to see this, it's not going to happen. I have to be an example for my kids and after all I chose to stay at home and raise them. Best mom advice for in public "Just Leave." If its too much for you or your child no matter how much you planned to have adult interaction that day, the lesson of teaching your little one is far more important.

Tired

I almost debated not blogging because I felt as though most of my blogs are just a sleep deprived mother venting. Then I realized I'm not the only one and the thing that helps me the most is finding others to relate to.

So things I have done in the past 24 hours

Cried
Googled Sleep Training (at 4am)
Cried some more
hugged my three year old!! (How is this possible?)
Left my house technically in what I wore to sleep (t-shirt and yoga pants)
Realized I was wearing all black...but it was too late to turn back
Let my kids take a nap in the car
Ate a cookie cake for lunch
Placed an order at McDonald's only to remember I left my wallet at home
Got out of line, went home, then back to a different McDonald's (only for B's birthday)
Took a 7 min shower (I considered this a win)
Wondered if the sticky substance in my hair was snot or spit up
Checked my bank account, cried some more
Looked at the clock and counted down the hours until bedtime (four)
Wondered if I was ruining my kids
Wished I was loosing weight (then remembered the cookie I ate for lunch)

and now I'm here, instead of folding laundry for the 100th time I am here getting my feelings out. Seems really lonely here lately in the in-between. Sure I'm here at home but it doesn't feel like home yet. Not without Logan here and not without my friends. It is hard. Its a hard time in my life with little support. I think there is a huge lesson at stake and one day I will figure it out but in the in between I just want to shout at the college aged girl in target complaining of being "so tired" or cry in the bathroom but I just can't. You know why? My kids. I have to keep pushing for them which sounds a little cliche but its true. They deserve the best.

I've had a lot of people this month just fail me and that's okay because honestly I cannot rely on them I have to rely on God. This was hard for me  because I love community. I love the thought taking care of one another. I had that everyday in Georgia. I do still have those people in my life and oh my goodness I am glad. They lift me up when all I do is feel like falling.

So to you tired moms, YOU are not alone.

Awful Sleepers

For some reason God decided to bless me with awful sleepers. Maybe it was payback for all those years of sleeping in until noon? Who knows. I have learned some things along the way and although I do not feel like I am an expert by any means I will share in hopes a sleep deprived mom might 

find them helpful one day. 

1) Don't take it personal. THIS this was hard for me. I am a stay at home mom so this is all 

I know. Imagine your boss telling you despite all of your efforts you are not good enough. Somewhere in the blood curdling screams I loose all confidence in my mom abilities. However, it's not me, its just how it works sometimes. 

2) I'm not alone. I seem to make strong willed, sensitive babies. That's okay. I thought I had just "ruined" my first child. Maybe too much rocking, or holding but let me tell you. It's not you and even though it seems like everyone else's kids sleep, they don't. Sometimes they just don't have to deal with them 24/7 so thats not all they know to talk about or maybe they think they are all alone. 

3) Just walk away. Its always better to walk away and let them scream for five minutes then to have everyone screaming. I think every tired mom has used a four letter word in the middle of the night. I have found if I put them in their cribs, walk to the other room and just breath its so much better to go back in. 

4) Drink up. That's right just take shots...of caffeine. Ha! Don't worry I'm not that far gone yet. But really drink a cup of coffee or go on a walk. Just something for energy. Although I know sometimes sugar and caffeine are bad in moderation they can do wonders. I used to fight and fight for people to go back to sleep but sometimes I can trick myself in just getting up if there is coffee involved. Let's be real no one is going back to sleep especially after 6am. 

So that's all I got. Don't give up hope my friend. Soon they will be teenagers. 

Decorating

Oh hello blog, it's nice to see you again. So let me set the current scene for you...husband=gone, kids=sick (so much puke) Me= 2 cups of coffee down. So naturally I want to Pinterest and be lazy all day long. Now, usually I have no time for that but since this kind of sick requires babies to rest I actually have a mini-break. Don't worry it was after a lot of yuck, what's better than one baby with the stomach bug...two! 

Okay, so we moved into our new house in September and of course I had already mapped out my design plan months before, thanks to Pinterest. If you know me, you know how I love to decorate. LOVE LOVE LOVE it...sorry that was the coffee speaking...but really there is nothing I love more than turning a house or room around to make it into a cozy dwelling. So I wanted to write some things I have learned along the way after moving several times. 

First, paint...it can go a long way. I often take forever deciding but it is worth it in the end. 

Second when deciding make sure you love what you hang, paint, furnish and etc. Too many times I have picked up something that "will do" but I am telling you wait, search, then choose. If it is a house you are residing in for awhile you want to make sure it is right. 

Third. Go with your gut. Don't go off of  anyone else's opinion, yes sometimes even your husband, because in the end if it is what you love a reflection of how you want your home to look than it will be great.  

*cue the story about the green lamp* I was beyond proud of bringing home from a local thrift shop and Logan took one look and pulled out the "that's interesting" comment. I still love it though, so much better than the boring white one. 

This home is tiny compared to our last but I wanted it to feel like a cozy home. I hate generic but then again I love trends like the farmhouse look. We have a ton of work still but I love planning it out. Next project is painting stars in B's room and painting a BLUE wall in the hall. Oh and I may throw some subway tile up in the kitchen. The best part about decorating the house we are currently in is that I know we won't be here for forever but because it was "flip" we have the bones, just need to personalize it! 

The makings of the girls room. The pictures do not do the color justice, so much better in person!

Working on some more decorations, still need to find name signs I love...

This was the inspiration from a concert Ellie Holcomb put on in Columbus,GA she had a local artist paint to her music. I went right before I found out we were having two girls and I had a gut feeling I needed this for a nursery in hopes I would have at least one girl.

My "stripey wall" as I call it. Also, Hobby Lobby has some awesome decorating pieces these days, I was impressed.

Hall way color, going with the right one, bright! 

THE green lamp :) and of course baby Jesus, Merry Christmas!

Leaving the Army

We left the army about two months ago now. I say we because it is not just Logan it is our family as a whole. I noticed to many army families leaving is always a goal. It is idolized, the fixer in a way. I cannot count how many times I heard "if only we were close to family" while in Georgia. Well not to be a debbie downer but leaving the army is not a "fix all." In fact it is the opposite.

Yes, it is wonderful to be close to family but after the initial hype people go back to their every day business. Leaving you behind with little support in the feelings you are feeling, because honestly they are hard ones to get unless you've traveled that road.

Now I do not want to sound ungrateful for the help from family I simply want to put into words how it is to leave the army, perhaps helping someone else along the way.

I think the biggest difference is the community. In the army you will get drama but people are willing to drop everything to help out. In the civilian world little things sometimes rock peoples worlds and dropping their schedules isn't a thing. You know what though, that's okay. Another thing I learned in the army is not to rely on other people for my happiness. I also have been reading Lysa TerKeurst's new book Uninvited and she makes a very valid point of saying we cannot depend on the unchanging, unpredictable occurrences of the world but look towards God, who is our stability.

Stability was not known in our lives the past few months. Not knowing where we would live was so incredibly terrifying to me. Which made me realize how spoiled I was and am to have the option of buying a house or a place to live. The army does take care of those basic needs which is a relief many do not have. Always knowing you will have a paycheck coming is foreign to some "civilians."

Also, the stay at home mom is more rare outside army life. Finding people to relate too is harder and harder. It is lonely. I know it will take time though and I will find friends. I think it was hard for me because of how little my babies are, this is the time I NEED to talk over coffee or just hang out. The army is good about that. Connecting people. However, the biggest difference is that now once I do connect with people there is a potential for long term friends that live close by. In the army you make those friends but distance often gets in the way of an everyday much needed friend.


I remember a friend saying to me when they left the army her marriage was a little rocky because they needed that time apart that the army so graciously provides for you. Now, I do not know this one as well yet because Logan will leave soon for 15 weeks but I do know it is weird to have him home in the mornings or to know a time he will be home. It kinda rocks my world sometimes but I know thats because I am a planner and I have a routine. So we are relearning ways to deal.

Well my kids are stirring so I am going to wrap this up, it was long, sorry about that. I do feel better writing these things out because it is hard. It is not what I imagined but it is real and I have to find joy in the life we are making. I love that my kids will have their dad home every day (after academy) and that they have the chance to make lifelong friends in the same town. I love that we will have stability once things settle. The army life seems like forever ago but I am grateful for that time we had. I miss it in a way.

A Day at a Time-Twins

Some things I have learned having twins:

It's isolating, especially with a toddler in the mix 

It takes hours to get out of the door

There is almost always one person crying at all times (including myself) 

Guilt is prevalent, theres never enough time 

We are famous 

People know my children as "the twins"

But...

It is so cool to watch their bond

They make me smile oh so much

There is always a baby to hold

I have an excuse (or two) to stay at home 

People are more than willing to help

These are just a few and I try to balance the positive with the negative. It is hard when I want to take ben on a walk or just sit and play with him because I can't. I just can't.  I have to remember to take it a day at a time and choose to hold on to the good.

This Life

Just grabbed my laptop and have exactly 27 minutes to write this (let's be real more like 5 min). That is the exact time I have until supper is ready. Currently blaring Adele, don't judge, and thinking how crazy this life is...

You see I had no idea I would be here, if you had told me 5 years ago I would have the life I do I would laugh in your face and run. Because that's what I did, I ran (not literally) away whether it be travel to a new place or a new relationship, I just couldn't be held down. That sounds SO selfish right about now but that's the reality. I wanted to make something of myself and back then that meant traveling to other countries or being a leader in the education world. It was a plan I made for myself. 

NOPE. that's what God said! I am so glad he did because here I am making dinner and loving it. 

I love this life even though it is drastically different than what I thought. Even though I have goals for myself still (maybe finishing that masters degree?) they have changed for the better. 

Alright, thats all for now sorry for the word vomit but I hear Ben coming up the stairs...he may or may not be woofing like a dog. Oh boy. 

Love Always.

These are the moments

As we are transitioning from the army life to back home, I have a rush of emotions. We are living on base right now in a small house but it's perfect. I love having just what I need. My little family and a roof over our heads. I love having more time to just sit and be us. Last night we watched a movie (by we I mean Logan and I while Ben watched maybe a half hr of it) and for the first time ben got his own bowl of popcorn. Now this may seem little but to me it meant a lot. He's growing up, our family is growing up.

I feel like it is happening before my eyes and some days I just want to hold on to every moment I can.  Life that is, it is happening and I can't do anything to stop it. I cannot believe my first baby is two and a big brother. I cannot believe I will be married four years this December. Or that I just had my last babies.


As I watched Ben read to "the babies" as he calls them...I couldn't help but think "these are the moments" the moments I will look back on when I'm 80 sitting on my front porch remembering life. I love how I have this precious time to spend with my babies. I love that God gave us this tiny on post house and transition period. I so needed it. I needed life to slow down, even for a month, before we move on.

I love since having the girls my anxiety of parenting a toddler has quieted. For example ben spilt apple juice tonight and promptly announced " I clean up!" grabbed my decorative kitchen towel (it's white) and began wiping the dirty floor. This would make me cringe usually but tonight, I encouraged it. I mean seriously how awesome that he knew to do that and that I didn't have to?!

Life is too short and I love this time I have to really enjoy my kids while they are little. Before I know it I will be looking back and smiling at all the memories made.

These are the moments.

Birth story

Soooo who doesn't love a good birth story?
Here it goes.

I woke up with contractions at 5am and headed to labor and delivery to check it out. I had a strange feeling that was it. It was my mother n law's birthday and for some reason I just knew that was the day.

Got to the hospital and was a big whopping 2cm dilated. I was frustrated. I mean this was it right? So the midwife told me I wasn't in active labor and I explained to her I was. They ran fluids and checked me again after an hour..still a 2 ..she gave me the option to stay and walk around to see if I dilated more. I called Logan to come and our amazing friends came over to watch Ben.

So we walked. I was so frustrated...there is nothing more bothering to me than trying to convince someone what I am feeling and that it is real. Especially with labor. We headed back to the room with me in tears. I wanted to go home. They wanted to check me before I went home and as I'm mentally preparing to head for the door the midwife exclaims "oh you are a good 4-5 cm" ...to which I replied "do you believe me now?!" Poor Logan must have been so embarrassed.

So I called my mom to head down from Indiana and my doula to head to the hospital. I went in not wanting an epidural and was talked into one. However, I was able to put it off until a good 7-8cm. I was able to experience a little bit of the labor I wanted. I was told it was an epidural in case of an emergency c-section...if I didn't get one and had to have a c-section I would be put completely under.


Everything was good in labor until I got the epidural. I then had my blood pressure crash several times, got sick, etc...birth is so pretty let me tell you. It was just a waiting game until 10 cm...they then wheeled me to the O.R. to push..."just in case" Baby A was head down but baby B was transverse breech. We were praying B would flip, but oddly I knew she wouldn't...still I held on to hope.

Baby A (Everly) was born after four pushes and then I felt like it was a whirl wind after that. As I had Everly on my chest they were trying to flip baby B. OUCH. Well B or Reagan flipped but went butt down. After trying and trying it was called to do a c-section. I kept telling myself "it will all be okay" and it was...Reagan was born and all the nurses kept telling me how "feisty" she was, which I had a feeling she would be :)

From there we went to the recovery room where I breastfed both babies and was in awe that I now I have three kids. THREE!

So there ya go...I will try to update more about life with twins but right now time is limited. Loving every minute though.

Praying Continually

I feel like my world is crazy at times with all that is going on. It has calmed down since I finished my last class before my year break to have the girls. I cannot tell you how great it is to not dread papers on weekends. Hello friends, I am now free to mingle :)

Prayer has been something on my mind lately and how to pray continually without disappointment or realizing that maybe there is an answer but it won't be right away. Sometimes I tend to ask for things that seem ridiculous. For example, when I found out I may actually be pregnant I prayed over the test that it be a miracle...a miracle because if I was going to be pregnant again I needed the timing to be right before Logan left the army. I laughed pretty hard when I found out it was twins, after I got over the shock of course.


I have had a lot of emotions with prayer and I am trying to remember it is not my plan, it's God's. That's tough for a planner like me. I am getting there though :)


Just to document what's going on with the pregnancy this past week I kept having contractions, as I usually do after work. However, they wouldn't stop this time so we put Ben to bed, called a friend and headed to labor and delivery. They hooked me up which made me feel ridiculous, I thought one heart monitor was uncomfortable, two is just insane. Then they add the one for the contractions. Well I was having contractions every 5-7 minutes for a little bit but they slowed and weren't as painful then stopped. They did a few more things to test if I would actually be giving birth in the next two weeks (crazy they have a test for that?) then gave me a few options. I declined most and at that point I felt comfortable going home and resting for the next few days. I guess that was a long story for a false alarm, but a reminder that my body cannot handle the usual things I do all the time.

That is the hardest part of pregnancy for me, physically and emotionally not being the same as "normal"

I am looking forward to my baby shower coming up and am so blessed to have a friend that offered to throw one for me! I was and am way too excited. It just feels good to feel appreciated and loved.

Other than pregnancy my beautifully spirited/stubborn two year old son has decided eating is for the birds...mainly living on fruits and hotdogs...just reminding me the things they don't tell you as a sweet pregnant lady for the first time. I somehow knew to sit down for meals for family time but had no idea how much of a battle it would be with a screaming toddler. I did learn this week that Dicks sporting goods store has an awesome Ben-sized track that will wear him out (because he automatically knew to run it!) and result in a great nights sleep. Keeping that one in my back pocket. Well I think that is all for now, hope you all have a blessed week!

My Girls

So I thought I was really clever making a hashtag #mygirls on instagram for all things twins. Logan then informed me after clicking on it the pictures were mostly college sorority girls. We will just over look that little flaw in the 'tag'

I did want to update since finding out it's two GIRLS! How things are going...

This pregnancy has been so different than the first for more reasons than one. Not just the fact that I have a toddler to chase and a husband home/not deployed. I also mentally am in a different state. I am much more "into" the whole process of the birth. With twins some automatically think c-section (which I may have to have) but there are options. It is a scary thing to fall into but I am thankful for the "least risk" as far as twins go.

I start interviewing doulas this week and oh my, where do I even start? I feel like last time I just thought whatever happens happens and that is that. Although I had a great experience (I mean as great as pushing a baby out can be) Looking back there are things I should've known or said.

My attitude is a lot better as far as pain goes this time around. I did have a rough first trimester losing around 20lbs so at this point anything is better than going through that. I just feel like once you become a mom the little things are just...little. For example, sitting in a prenatal yoga class listening to first time pregnant moms about their worries and fears I just thought to myself "oh honey, you have no idea" I do miss that stage of innocence, I guess you could call it. Don't get me wrong being a mom is amazing but its also exhausting and if I could go back to my first pregnant self I would say "You enjoy the endless netflix and sleeping in. Bored, great...it may be the last time you say that for awhile."

Other things that will be different...we are keeping the names a secret. That's right mom no hints no nothing! I love names and this will more than likely be my last pregnancy so we are having fun with it.

All good things come in pairs...

So the news it out, ITS TWINS! That's right, I'm pregnant again and it is twins, not one baby but two. At first I about passed out, that is no exaggeration the ultrasound tech was fanning me. Now I am extremely excited but nervous, so I wanted to document these early feelings to look back on, and of course you are along for the crazy ride too.

Things I am nervous about:
Double strollers
Feeding two infants
How will I have enough love for three kids?
Loosing me hair (jk, but not really its already gray)
Having no friends

Things I am excited about:
I always wanted three kids
One might be a girl!
I get to be a stay at home mom
The potential BFF's
Not being pregnant again after this...


So I think the biggest challenge is being as excited and paying as much attention as I did to Ben when I was pregnant. I love Pinteresting cute pictures and I have already booked maternity pictures which I thought I'd never do. I am disappointed in some peoples reaction to doing a baby shower, I feel like no matter the number the baby is they should be celebrated! Maybe we will throw ourselves a bbq or something just to celebrate. I try not to get caught up in what other people think but it is hard sometimes.
The second pregnancy is so different, especially with my first being able to stay home and not work. The best way I can sum up the difference is first pregnancy=sleep second pregnancy=no sleep. I woke up this morning to my son jamming his car into my head, thats when you know reality hits you. Also taking care of a toddler while pregnant is not for the faint. I think moms have a permanent target for puke on them, I mean really Logan has never gotten the full force puke fest on him before.

Other random thoughts:
They predicted one boy and one girl which is my absolute dream. I already have a feeling that the boy will be the most chill out of the three and the little girl will be wrapped around daddy's finger. I am beyond excited that they are di/di twins meaning they have their own sacs and placentas (if you don't know much about twins look up mono/di, di/di and mo/mo twins, its interesting). Meaning I will also get to keep my midwife and hopefully have a more natural approach to birth. Oh birth...that's another blog entirely.

Through this whole experience I think my  biggest comfort as it usually is, is humor. You have to laugh and marvel at the fact that I never saw twins coming!

Feelings

SO feelings are never a great subject with me, I'm better at writing them down and thought this was a good time to do so. Especially since I almost cried when the Starbucks man asked how my day was going today.

Showing a house is stressful. SO STRESSFUL. I try not to stress but let me tell you when you have a one year old who undoes everything you just did it is hard to rearrange your day for a stranger. Then when those strangers come into your home and leave not giving much feedback at all or being picky about things it is super stressful. It makes me want to just yell "MY KID DIDNT NAP TODAY!" or "MY HOME IS BEAUTIFUL" I pray a lot but I've always had a problem letting go and not worrying. It's day by day I suppose.

I guess the real thing that is bothering me is that I love my house but the town I am in is so lonely at times. Everyone has their problems I get that but I feel like I give and have no return a lot. Friendship I guess you would call it? So I am extremely guarded now and it is hard for me to ask for help here in Georgia. Actually I wouldn't even know who to ask. I am beyond ready to move back home where I know I want to build a life and I know I have people there that love me. It's a hard place to be, glad I have Logan and I guess I need to prepare myself better for the weeks that he working long days.

I guess if you are reading this I need prayers! Lots of them. For feelings of loneliness and for our house to sell!

P.S. I just told the Starbucks guy thank you and have a nice day, no real tears!

Time

My first job was when I was 14 working in the kitchen of a summer camp, because I wasn't old enough to be a counselor.  I was blessed with parents that showed me a good work ethic and continued to hold a job until I was pregnant with Ben. As many people know it was right after I resigned from my teaching job to come to Georgia. I have to say Best. Decision. Of. My. Life. Having that break allowed me time, time to heal from my father's passing, time to be a wife, time to think about what I wanted in the future. Although sometimes I think it was too much time (a lot of netflix too) I am now realizing how much of it I lack these days. 

There is a point you reach when you become a parent when you realize things are never going to slow down. It's full speed ahead from here, forget sleep, no time for that. So the moments that I do get to "slow down" or just "take a breath" even if it won't last long. I do it now. I take full advantage. This past Monday I didn't have a vehicle. Which I see now is a blessing because I had a full day of errands and things to be done. Instead I stayed inside and just played with Ben (although I did get some school things done). But I forgot how good it was to feel as if we had all the time in the world just to be silly and have fun.  

Here is Ben showing his "masterpiece" which primarily was him taking the cap on and off the marker but you know, it was a blast (he thinks there's no time for pants...).

Having a toddler has made me stop and look at life the way I used to, to look at things the way he sees them. Remember a time when we loved to play simply? I love watching him play with his cars...taking the time to enjoy these moments is a lesson I am learning daily. Knowing when to stop for the things that matter and not to let the clock run our schedule. 

One last picture, because why not? I know time with loved ones is not replaced and that is ever so important for me to drop everything for those I love. Here is a picture from when my mom was here, we went to the aquarium and it was a blast. 

Teacher things

So as many of my friends and fam know I am teaching preschool at the moment. Which if you had asked me about four years ago I would've laughed at the thought. It wasn't until after I had my son that I had the passion for those younger than kindergarten. The more I read about early childhood education the more I am beyond passionate about teaching.
Here's the thing, when you are in preschool it's not just about the colors, letters, shapes. It's about the people too. It's about manners, and sharing and singing and learning to love learning. These are fundamentals I believe are becoming lost in our schools replaced by standards and "academic readiness."

We are loosing our kids to test scores...

It is my dream to open a daycare/preschool. In that dream I see a house, one with character, where when you walk inside you feel at home. Pictures of the children's families hang on the wall and you are greeted with a hug (my first week teaching kindergarten I was told to be careful hugging kids, erg). I want you to feel as if you have just left your child with an extended family member. Someone who is going to love them for who they are and foster who they are becoming. I want a place where I would send my son. No worksheets, just learning through play. We have forgotten how to play and explore in school. I want to bring that back and it starts with the young ones!

Alright, those are my thoughts for now :)

xoxo Laura

Thoughts and more thoughts

Do you ever have those moments when you have a million thoughts and you feel as if you don't organize them in some fashion you will explode...okay maybe it's just me but that's how i feel tonight.

I've been so "busy" lately with work, school, mom/wife life that I have given up on some things that I so treasured and that has been hard for me. Is this why so many people are grumpy these days? (don't worry I didn't give up my coffee).

Tonight I said goodnight to logan and took time to read my devotional and Bible which I have to confess I have been slacking. Which got me thinking I have so many distractions that I have let get in the way. I really do need to make time and cut out the excuses.

I miss having my weekly bible study and now I truly understand the mom at church complaining about the 10 a.m. women's group. I feel as though I'm slowly beginning to see that divide of working moms vs. stay-at-home moms [It's totally cool you obsess over what kind of food you feed your kid while I'm over here just hoping to get a home cooked meal on the table] Kudos to you mom (denise) I get it now. Don't get me wrong I think it is awesome that mom's can stay-at-home and I wish I was one of them, but I know if I want my kids to go to college (or put a decent roof over our heads) I'm going to have to put my college degree to good use.

So onto the next random thought...the house went on the market last week well (5) days ago. WHAT?! okay I just got over the fact that we were home owners and now we are selling our first home. I have had a total failure in letting go of control with this, and tonight I was reminded of this in my devotional. It was talking about faith and what that word means. I have to let go and that is easier said than done. But when I prayed tonight it was one of those prayers where I just sighed afterwards. A weight has lifted off and one that I need to remember I don't have to carry. I don't have to carry the worry, the fear, or the anxiety. I need to give it up.

Finally, looking toward the future I have hope that we will be in a place that is good for us. A place that will bring us together. We have spent so much time apart since being married and I am ready to have my family together again.

P.S. finally finally, being a mom of a toddler is beyond hard. It doesn't so much make me cry (i have a hard time crying over big stuff, I cry over little stuff like romantic movies or those puppy adoption commercials) but it makes me question myself as a mother, am I really cut out for this? It's hard. Any words of encouragement or scripture is welcome at this moment, because I am not alone and I need to reach out more!

Alright, that is all :)

Home

Have you ever seen the cute video of the daughter father duo singing "Home"? well here it is if you haven't...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L64c5vT3NBw

Anywho, this past week we travelled to our "home" in Indiana and on the way I was reminded of this song and all of it's cuteness. All of the meaning behind the question of "where is home?" as well...

So here is my answer, I think home is:

Those you love

Playing cranium and laughing 'till you cry

Talking until the wee hours of the morning

A glass of wine

Home cookin'

Jokes, some bad and some really really bad

The smell of pine needles

A warm embrace

Embarrassing baby pictures (or in this last visits case, high school pictures)

Long walks

All of these things and more is home to me. I love our time we spend in Indiana and even though there was a time I couldn't wait to leave, now I cannot wait to go back.

Here a few pictures that still make me smile, the first is a picture from a scrapbook I made my best friend in high school. She pulled it out since we had some time to visit baby-free this past week. Also I have to mention how amazing her mom is, who still to this day makes me no bake cookies when she sees me (she used to make them and place them in Miranda's lunch box with my name on them ha!). So wonderful. Life was so simple then....

This second picture is a little more sentimental, my mom's new house has a shed similar to the one our dad build at our old house. The one at the old house had the same star. So ben was playing this last visit and the light hit just right I had to snap the picture because I got the overwhelming feeling that my dad was smiling down on us. It's hard to explain and I get these feelings of remembering him and I cannot wait to share all the great memories with Ben. 

a rose and a thorn

Friends,

You know those silly ice breaker games that you play to get to know each other ... I thought I'd use one to give a little update on my life. I feel like it has EXPLODED. However, here is a
rose:
I got a job! Part-time that is which is a lovely thing. I love having a four day weekend every weekend.  Also, love having something of my own to do.

thorn:
Logan's transmission went out of course the week I started work. So I became a taxi driver that got up at 5a.m. to take him to work. That was not so fun. Did I mention he worked until midnight that first week too?

rose:
I have lost about 26lbs. WOW that seems like a lot. But I started when Logan left for Australia (if you refer back to my previous blog) and no tricks just simply motivating myself. Also, I DID NOT BUY 21 DAY FIX. Or shake something rather....Which I am sure it is lovely but I am really tired of people trying to sell it to me.
I did however start eating smaller portions, running more often, and doing ab work outs. Sorry this is so long but I just wanted to share it really comes down to you and if you really want to loose the weight. I started the exercise because I wanted to loose the baby weight (and so the nail lady would stop asking "when you due?") but what I realized is it feels GOOD to take care of myself.
 P.S. Earplugs in, pushing a stroller is a great stress reliever and it still counts as "outside time" for the babe doesn't it?

Moving on....
thorn:
We have to get the house ready to sell which makes me incredibly sad. We love our home but we are getting ready to move on and it's time to sell. Prayers needed! I feel so adult but that is frightening in the selling process.

rose:
I had a week off of school (the master's kind)! Which I spent free time doing my favorite things such as watching movies with Logan, reading, crafting and etc.

So that's about all I have here. Lots happening but at the same time it's the same 'ol story. Mom life, wife life and just gettin' by life.

Here is a picture just for fun, Ben mowing the lawn...

Take Care,

Laura 

Curls

Since I was pregnant I heard all about Logan's curls when he was little. I have to admit it sort of scared me the thought. It's funny how we picture our unborn children and then they come out completely different but completely perfect.

Well recently I have been fighting with these curls, they are a mess! Then I have moments like tonight where I think "One day I will miss these." I will miss seeing them and knowing that is my Ben, my baby. They make him who he is and I look forward to telling his future wife all about them :) So much of him I want to hold onto just a little while longer. He is growing before my eyes.

Just some thoughts I wanted to write down and one day look back on. Probably when he is a teenager and driving me crazy! I will always love you Benny no matter how "messy" your hair is, you will always be beautiful to me.

To my toddler

To my toddler,

Mommy loves you a lot, but I am not a punching bag, chew toy or trampoline.

This is my hot coffee, not yours.

I love this rock, it looks just like the last one.

Naps are fun. Let's nap more.

I spent a lot of time making dinner, not for the dog, but for you!

Sometimes when you cry, I cry too.

But also,

Your kisses are the sweetest.

That laugh, the belly laugh one,  thats the best.

Your dance moves are better than mine.

You express your feelings openly to everyone (I wish I could)

At the end of the day, looking at your sweet face, so peaceful, I wish I could capture that moment forever. How much do I love you? To the Moon and BACK! Then more :)

Your  (Tired) Mommy