Feelings

SO feelings are never a great subject with me, I'm better at writing them down and thought this was a good time to do so. Especially since I almost cried when the Starbucks man asked how my day was going today.

Showing a house is stressful. SO STRESSFUL. I try not to stress but let me tell you when you have a one year old who undoes everything you just did it is hard to rearrange your day for a stranger. Then when those strangers come into your home and leave not giving much feedback at all or being picky about things it is super stressful. It makes me want to just yell "MY KID DIDNT NAP TODAY!" or "MY HOME IS BEAUTIFUL" I pray a lot but I've always had a problem letting go and not worrying. It's day by day I suppose.

I guess the real thing that is bothering me is that I love my house but the town I am in is so lonely at times. Everyone has their problems I get that but I feel like I give and have no return a lot. Friendship I guess you would call it? So I am extremely guarded now and it is hard for me to ask for help here in Georgia. Actually I wouldn't even know who to ask. I am beyond ready to move back home where I know I want to build a life and I know I have people there that love me. It's a hard place to be, glad I have Logan and I guess I need to prepare myself better for the weeks that he working long days.

I guess if you are reading this I need prayers! Lots of them. For feelings of loneliness and for our house to sell!

P.S. I just told the Starbucks guy thank you and have a nice day, no real tears!

Time

My first job was when I was 14 working in the kitchen of a summer camp, because I wasn't old enough to be a counselor.  I was blessed with parents that showed me a good work ethic and continued to hold a job until I was pregnant with Ben. As many people know it was right after I resigned from my teaching job to come to Georgia. I have to say Best. Decision. Of. My. Life. Having that break allowed me time, time to heal from my father's passing, time to be a wife, time to think about what I wanted in the future. Although sometimes I think it was too much time (a lot of netflix too) I am now realizing how much of it I lack these days. 

There is a point you reach when you become a parent when you realize things are never going to slow down. It's full speed ahead from here, forget sleep, no time for that. So the moments that I do get to "slow down" or just "take a breath" even if it won't last long. I do it now. I take full advantage. This past Monday I didn't have a vehicle. Which I see now is a blessing because I had a full day of errands and things to be done. Instead I stayed inside and just played with Ben (although I did get some school things done). But I forgot how good it was to feel as if we had all the time in the world just to be silly and have fun.  

Here is Ben showing his "masterpiece" which primarily was him taking the cap on and off the marker but you know, it was a blast (he thinks there's no time for pants...).

Having a toddler has made me stop and look at life the way I used to, to look at things the way he sees them. Remember a time when we loved to play simply? I love watching him play with his cars...taking the time to enjoy these moments is a lesson I am learning daily. Knowing when to stop for the things that matter and not to let the clock run our schedule. 

One last picture, because why not? I know time with loved ones is not replaced and that is ever so important for me to drop everything for those I love. Here is a picture from when my mom was here, we went to the aquarium and it was a blast. 

Teacher things

So as many of my friends and fam know I am teaching preschool at the moment. Which if you had asked me about four years ago I would've laughed at the thought. It wasn't until after I had my son that I had the passion for those younger than kindergarten. The more I read about early childhood education the more I am beyond passionate about teaching.
Here's the thing, when you are in preschool it's not just about the colors, letters, shapes. It's about the people too. It's about manners, and sharing and singing and learning to love learning. These are fundamentals I believe are becoming lost in our schools replaced by standards and "academic readiness."

We are loosing our kids to test scores...

It is my dream to open a daycare/preschool. In that dream I see a house, one with character, where when you walk inside you feel at home. Pictures of the children's families hang on the wall and you are greeted with a hug (my first week teaching kindergarten I was told to be careful hugging kids, erg). I want you to feel as if you have just left your child with an extended family member. Someone who is going to love them for who they are and foster who they are becoming. I want a place where I would send my son. No worksheets, just learning through play. We have forgotten how to play and explore in school. I want to bring that back and it starts with the young ones!

Alright, those are my thoughts for now :)

xoxo Laura

Thoughts and more thoughts

Do you ever have those moments when you have a million thoughts and you feel as if you don't organize them in some fashion you will explode...okay maybe it's just me but that's how i feel tonight.

I've been so "busy" lately with work, school, mom/wife life that I have given up on some things that I so treasured and that has been hard for me. Is this why so many people are grumpy these days? (don't worry I didn't give up my coffee).

Tonight I said goodnight to logan and took time to read my devotional and Bible which I have to confess I have been slacking. Which got me thinking I have so many distractions that I have let get in the way. I really do need to make time and cut out the excuses.

I miss having my weekly bible study and now I truly understand the mom at church complaining about the 10 a.m. women's group. I feel as though I'm slowly beginning to see that divide of working moms vs. stay-at-home moms [It's totally cool you obsess over what kind of food you feed your kid while I'm over here just hoping to get a home cooked meal on the table] Kudos to you mom (denise) I get it now. Don't get me wrong I think it is awesome that mom's can stay-at-home and I wish I was one of them, but I know if I want my kids to go to college (or put a decent roof over our heads) I'm going to have to put my college degree to good use.

So onto the next random thought...the house went on the market last week well (5) days ago. WHAT?! okay I just got over the fact that we were home owners and now we are selling our first home. I have had a total failure in letting go of control with this, and tonight I was reminded of this in my devotional. It was talking about faith and what that word means. I have to let go and that is easier said than done. But when I prayed tonight it was one of those prayers where I just sighed afterwards. A weight has lifted off and one that I need to remember I don't have to carry. I don't have to carry the worry, the fear, or the anxiety. I need to give it up.

Finally, looking toward the future I have hope that we will be in a place that is good for us. A place that will bring us together. We have spent so much time apart since being married and I am ready to have my family together again.

P.S. finally finally, being a mom of a toddler is beyond hard. It doesn't so much make me cry (i have a hard time crying over big stuff, I cry over little stuff like romantic movies or those puppy adoption commercials) but it makes me question myself as a mother, am I really cut out for this? It's hard. Any words of encouragement or scripture is welcome at this moment, because I am not alone and I need to reach out more!

Alright, that is all :)

Home

Have you ever seen the cute video of the daughter father duo singing "Home"? well here it is if you haven't...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L64c5vT3NBw

Anywho, this past week we travelled to our "home" in Indiana and on the way I was reminded of this song and all of it's cuteness. All of the meaning behind the question of "where is home?" as well...

So here is my answer, I think home is:

Those you love

Playing cranium and laughing 'till you cry

Talking until the wee hours of the morning

A glass of wine

Home cookin'

Jokes, some bad and some really really bad

The smell of pine needles

A warm embrace

Embarrassing baby pictures (or in this last visits case, high school pictures)

Long walks

All of these things and more is home to me. I love our time we spend in Indiana and even though there was a time I couldn't wait to leave, now I cannot wait to go back.

Here a few pictures that still make me smile, the first is a picture from a scrapbook I made my best friend in high school. She pulled it out since we had some time to visit baby-free this past week. Also I have to mention how amazing her mom is, who still to this day makes me no bake cookies when she sees me (she used to make them and place them in Miranda's lunch box with my name on them ha!). So wonderful. Life was so simple then....

This second picture is a little more sentimental, my mom's new house has a shed similar to the one our dad build at our old house. The one at the old house had the same star. So ben was playing this last visit and the light hit just right I had to snap the picture because I got the overwhelming feeling that my dad was smiling down on us. It's hard to explain and I get these feelings of remembering him and I cannot wait to share all the great memories with Ben. 

a rose and a thorn

Friends,

You know those silly ice breaker games that you play to get to know each other ... I thought I'd use one to give a little update on my life. I feel like it has EXPLODED. However, here is a
rose:
I got a job! Part-time that is which is a lovely thing. I love having a four day weekend every weekend.  Also, love having something of my own to do.

thorn:
Logan's transmission went out of course the week I started work. So I became a taxi driver that got up at 5a.m. to take him to work. That was not so fun. Did I mention he worked until midnight that first week too?

rose:
I have lost about 26lbs. WOW that seems like a lot. But I started when Logan left for Australia (if you refer back to my previous blog) and no tricks just simply motivating myself. Also, I DID NOT BUY 21 DAY FIX. Or shake something rather....Which I am sure it is lovely but I am really tired of people trying to sell it to me.
I did however start eating smaller portions, running more often, and doing ab work outs. Sorry this is so long but I just wanted to share it really comes down to you and if you really want to loose the weight. I started the exercise because I wanted to loose the baby weight (and so the nail lady would stop asking "when you due?") but what I realized is it feels GOOD to take care of myself.
 P.S. Earplugs in, pushing a stroller is a great stress reliever and it still counts as "outside time" for the babe doesn't it?

Moving on....
thorn:
We have to get the house ready to sell which makes me incredibly sad. We love our home but we are getting ready to move on and it's time to sell. Prayers needed! I feel so adult but that is frightening in the selling process.

rose:
I had a week off of school (the master's kind)! Which I spent free time doing my favorite things such as watching movies with Logan, reading, crafting and etc.

So that's about all I have here. Lots happening but at the same time it's the same 'ol story. Mom life, wife life and just gettin' by life.

Here is a picture just for fun, Ben mowing the lawn...

Take Care,

Laura 

Curls

Since I was pregnant I heard all about Logan's curls when he was little. I have to admit it sort of scared me the thought. It's funny how we picture our unborn children and then they come out completely different but completely perfect.

Well recently I have been fighting with these curls, they are a mess! Then I have moments like tonight where I think "One day I will miss these." I will miss seeing them and knowing that is my Ben, my baby. They make him who he is and I look forward to telling his future wife all about them :) So much of him I want to hold onto just a little while longer. He is growing before my eyes.

Just some thoughts I wanted to write down and one day look back on. Probably when he is a teenager and driving me crazy! I will always love you Benny no matter how "messy" your hair is, you will always be beautiful to me.

To my toddler

To my toddler,

Mommy loves you a lot, but I am not a punching bag, chew toy or trampoline.

This is my hot coffee, not yours.

I love this rock, it looks just like the last one.

Naps are fun. Let's nap more.

I spent a lot of time making dinner, not for the dog, but for you!

Sometimes when you cry, I cry too.

But also,

Your kisses are the sweetest.

That laugh, the belly laugh one,  thats the best.

Your dance moves are better than mine.

You express your feelings openly to everyone (I wish I could)

At the end of the day, looking at your sweet face, so peaceful, I wish I could capture that moment forever. How much do I love you? To the Moon and BACK! Then more :)

Your  (Tired) Mommy

Losing the Weight-the mental challenge

Since my eight pound bundle of joy left my womb I feel like my body was not my own. I constantly catch myself looking at my mid section and thinking "just go away." I know I know the stretch marks were worth having my son but to me that doesn't make me want to jump in a bikini again. I have tried bootcamps, diets, Jillian Michaels, Stroller Strong Moms (GREAT WORKOUT) but it all comes down to motivation to change my eating.

You see, I am an emotional eater. My logic being totally irrational if I were to speak it out loud for eating or buying snacks. For example...driving down the road I see the glorious Chic-fil-a sign and think "I deserve a small fry" or "Lemonade is better than pop right?" Sometimes I cannot stop myself from being seduced by the Starbucks sign, those baristas know my weakness.

All that said, I have got to STOP. I have to find joy in what I eat but also know that I need to treat my body not as my own but to glorify God. So many illness and disease come from poor nutrition and its a cycle, it happens over time.  One small fry at a time.

Working out has been a great stress relief since Logan has been "away" and side note... I do have the best helpers. I mean who wouldn't want to have a dog's breath in their face while doing crunches?

Anyways I guess the point of sharing this is to remind myself that it is a mental challenge, the eating, and the working out. My plan of attack is to start discovering more what food provides for your body.  What will help give me energy or help me burn fat. I don't want to go paleo or try crazy diets but I do want to eat healthier and enjoy it. Also, reminding myself that although it is HOT out it is worth the walk or run outside. 

I am excited to see the change although you will most likely not see any before and after pictures. I will keep those to myself :) If you read this and have any healthy food recipes or sites feel free to send them my way. 

Don't buy it

This morning I went to a "market" which was more like a big yard sale but heck, I love yard sales so it was perfect. I found the book Tuesdays with Morrie by: Mitch Albom and even though I just started it (this is where people these days would say "literally," why is that a trend now?) I found a gem on page 35-36 "'Well, for one thing, the culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. We're teaching the wrong things. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it. Create your own. Most people can't do it..." This was most certainly needed today or just lately I suppose.

I browsed through my Facebook newsfeed this morning to find pictures of drunken Friday nights and beach vacations a long with the random status about working out, eating or just general happenings. I began to wonder, why was my Friday so lame? Why couldn't I be invited to ladies night? Why couldn't I afford a beach vacation? What was wrong with me? Why wasn't I worthy? ....see how that escalated so quickly? Yes, this happens often and I hate it. I know it is happening but still. Hate it.

So where do I go from here? Well first stop asking questions because I know the purpose of my life, I know what I live for and whom I live for. I need to take more action. I need to start living a life that shows Christ-like love. Not buy a culture I know doesn't work. I want to make a few changes, nothing drastic, but just little things that will bring more joy out of life.

I need to also open myself up more, I have a hard time with that here. A few of my first "friends" here treated me in a way that was not nice. I never felt the need to get on a soapbox and shout it to the world, all the reasons why, so I internalized it and closed myself off to a lot of people. I need to stop and just let myself be vulnerable again, in a friendship setting that is. I need to laugh again. Like those deep belly laughs you know are only shared with the ones you truly love.

So anyways, those are my thoughts and if you are reading this thank you for getting all the way through it and "listening" in one way or another.

Much Love,
Laura
.

Just Stuck

These days I find myself stuck. Stuck in life.

I feel like I am limbo of a a young 20's let's adventure and travel the world and I'm a mom whose Friday nights consist of drinking wine and pinteresting.

 SO after a recent trip to California and just getting away- I made a list, of goals for myself.

1. Never stop adventuring
2. Build a home, where your children feel welcome and friends are family
3. Be yourself-no matter how much you would love to "fit in"
4. Read often
5. Take the time to LISTEN- its not all about you
6. Challenge yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually


Short and sweet tonight :) Just had to get those thoughts out there!

Time goes by so fast...

 It's been over a year since I was gifted a scrapbook kit for Ben's baby album (great gift by the way, thanks Aunt Pam!). So I decided try it out, since my now one year old can semi-entertain himself. I started with a page for my pregnancy. I think it's great to look back and see life as it used to be then and I hope Ben will too someday. Here's a pic (ignore the mess and my awkward leg)...

So I don't know if you know this about me but I am a hoarder, well not TLC worthy but I hoard anything that could possibly have meaning. The card is one I sent Logan while he was deployed as are the pictures. I love that everyone has a story, and I love hearing those stories. I realized as I am scrapbooking that I have a large part in making Ben's story, I have the responsibility of raising him. Maybe one day I will be the reason he loves chocolate chip pancakes or watching a thunderstorm come in...how crazy is that?! 

Something I heard over and over again when I first had Ben was "Time goes by so fast, enjoy it!" I used to think, "How do I enjoy no sleep and spit up in my hair?" But now I see what they mean. As I watch Ben daily and am reminded what a little person he is becoming I want time to slow down, I want to enjoy every bit of it I have left while he's little. It is SO so easy to get caught up in the sleep deprivation or the temper tantrums but I too have become that person who says "Time goes by so fast.." 

Let's be real

Have you ever scrolled down Pinterest and pinned "activities" for your children? Things like "sensory bag" or "creating busy books" even "crafts for your toddler". I have to admit I tried one of these once and I still laugh at the thought. It was a "sensory bag" which I carefully selected things around the house to put in it, Ben tossed it to the side like yesterday's leftovers and moved on to terrorizing the dog. Not giving one glance back...

Not to say these are BAD, as an educator I think they do have some place in the classroom to explore textures and learn colors, etc. but I think parents today get way to caught up in planning activities, centering life around their child. Why not bring the child into your world, teaching them the crazy awesome things around them that are natural. 

Here is a list of things every day things I want to do with Ben...but not on a time schedule just if they arise. 

Puddle jumping

Searching for four leaf clovers

Stirring a batch of brownies (and maybe licking the bowl afterwards)
Playing hide and seek
Picking up rocks in the driveway-finding perfectly round ones
Singing in the car
Dancing in the rain- or in general
Snuggling in bed (maybe even watching cartoons)
Reading a book
Picnicking
Watering the flowers
Finding "rolly pollies" under rocks
Sitting on the front porch, watching thunderstorms come in
Banging pots and pans in the kitchen
Waking daddy up, by jumping on the bed
Running through a sprinkler
Tickles! then giggles :)
Sharing homemade lemonade on a hot day

These are just a few, some I know won't come for years but I still look forward to them. I guess this is a reminder to keep it simple. Kids don't consistently need entertainment, they will EXPECT it if you always do give it to them. Just invite them to be a part of what you do whether it be cooking, cleaning, shopping, opening the door etc. Enjoy them and make memories being real and genuine not "I saw this on Pinterest" or "let me put a picture on Facebook" everyday. That doesn't make you super mom...kissing booboos and being there does.

To Caitlynn

Last thanksgiving a wonderful friend of mine took our pictures and she did such a lovely job (as always). I cannot express enough how important it is to feel comfortable with your photographer. Logan and I cannot keep a straight face with the more "lovey-dovey" poses and Caitlynn just rolls with it, I love her for that...I mean this is totally natural, right?

A little background on Caitlynn, we were collage roommates for two-ish years (?) Although I always joked I never saw her! She was always busy, for real, you haven't met busy until you meet Caitlynn. I'm still not convinced she slept for half her time at college. She is also a teacher and a pretty fantastic one at that. She is one of the hardest workers I know! Okay, back to the pictures...so we were her "firsts" for a lot of things, engagement, weddings, and now family with a baby and dog they consider a baby. She always has a challenge but performs beautifully and at short notice!! Here is one from our engagement...

Then I called Caitlynn and asked if she would do our wedding pictures, but I also have to add she was a bridesmaid. At one point she wanted to hop on a car to take a cool shot, in her bridesmaids dress...that's just how incredibly passionate she is about what she does! I think she's wonder woman for being in a wedding AND taking pictures with the help of her husband (shout out to Nick) of course. So here's a shot from the wedding... (p.s. that's her mom and dad in the background on the left, they are pretty fantastic too).

Fun fact, I was in Caitlynn's wedding and we danced down the isle! Now to the family ones...they were simply beautiful too! Pictures of my family make me swoon but beautiful pictures of my family make my heart melt into a great big puddle. 

Caitlynn you capture people's love in such a way that will be treasured. The moments you create my great-great grandchildren will see and smile, for that I thank you. You are truly a blessing as a friend and photographer. Thanks for making memories!

P.S. Every time I see Friends on T.V. I stop and smile and think of you eating green beans and cheese on our college couch. Those were the days! 

What did you learn in class today?

So I wasn't sure what to write about. Seems like my life is the same, "Hi, my names Laura I am a mom and wife." Well before I was a mom I had this little thing called a career, no biggie...just that thing adults do to make money. I almost forget what those days are like and wonder how I will do it all when I go back...

Well while I am a stay at home mom I am getting my masters in early childhood education. That's right people, future preschool teacher here. In all realness though I have learned more about my own child going through this program, I feel like I should've started this the day I found out I was pregnant.

Tonight we had to watch a two minute video and write a discussion...here's the video:

Before you watch know, I watched this and my thoughts were "well that's weird, makes sense I guess" ...now how did I turn that into 3-5 paragraphs, I still don't know...but here watch this, it's called the Still Face Experiment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0


if you are really interested you can watch this too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG89Qxw30BM


I almost got more out of this one only because it showed older children at the end...

Communication is something Ben has learned from birth, which is scary to me because I feel like that is when I communicated the worst with others (I was so tired). Recently though I realize how important it is to teach him to communicate in the right ways with others. One of the things I try NOT to do is be on my cell phone while his attention is on me. After watching these videos I am reminded of that mom in the waiting room on her cell phone and her kid screaming "MOM MOM MOM" trying anything to get her attention. Children need attentive adults teaching them to communicate and not just in words in actions too. I forget how Ben can communicate even though his go-to word is "da" ...he points, smiles, screeches, hugs and etc all not words but all the same they have meaning.

It is so crazy how fast Ben is learning and I want every moment to count. I love watching him grow and learn and think gosh how blessed I am to see those little and big moments every day.

Well there you have it, that's what I learned in class today/tonight...

Boys

When I was pregnant, I wanted a girl. I have to be honest. Although, I want a healthy baby more than anything. Well, I had a boy. A healthy beautiful boy or handsome as his daddy likes me to say. Now I am oh so glad! I was always told God would give me the baby I was meant for but I never really understood that until now. Even when Ben was younger I would think "God, I can't handle sleep deprivation, why did you give me a baby that doesn't sleep" Then I hang out with my friends who have girls and look at how different it is and I laugh. God knows exactly what he is doing.

What I have grown to know and love about my boy:

Dirt is okay, actually encouraged...please go roll around and get some of that energy out!

When going on a park play date, wear tennis shoes because that boy will not stop running ...

If he doesn't like something he will let you know...this is usually in public, screaming

He will fall, a lot, and your girl mom friends will look in horror while you just sigh and go about your day

Sleep, enjoy it when it last and don't expect it. No, don't even try to compare him to the little paci poppin' princess down the street!

How to stop and enjoy the "calm" moments like reading a book. They do come and are so precious.

They can charm the pants off a stranger with one smile.

Putting together an outfit is so much simpler when you don't have to coordinate bows...plus it will probably be dirty within the hour


I love my boy, although he's a lot to keep up ....we know we were meant for each other.

Where to go...

Well hello there! Finals and life kept me from blogging for awhile, but guess who's back...back again :)

I have a lot of random thoughts this morning, so bare with me. Mostly because that is how my brain works these days. I can go from thinking "what should I make for breakfast?" to "Crap, it's really quiet, what is Ben doing?"to "I should probably make the neighbors cookies."

Recently there has been more and more talk of what to do post-army in this family. This topic is scary and exciting. I love the friends I have met through the army, I love my house, I love that I stay at home with Ben and can we say health benefits?! I don't even want to know what it cost to have a baby in the "real" world will be. However, and a big HOWEVER...there are negatives. Such as, Logan being gone,  being away from family, Ben pitching a fit because he wants "dada"  and the list goes on. I try not to dwell on the negative because then I become one of those "bitter" army wives (not to stereotype, but fo-realz, they are a breed on their own).

So where to go from here? Logan's answer: back home, the land of corn and beautiful sunsets and FAMILY. Me: somewhere random! Nashville, please oh please Nashville (TN) but as long as we are within a reasonable distance of family. Needless to say, we are still figuring this out and we have about a year (and a half?) . If you are reading this, please pray! We could use all the help we can get. Until then, enjoy this picture of us in Nashville, TN...look how happy we are ... :)

I know God has a plan greater than we can imagine. I look foreword to seeing what that plan is and for now I will enjoy this beautiful ride that life is right now. Well it's quiet again...I better see what Ben is up too....

Take Care

A Day in Benjamin's Life

SO I have been a mom for a year now, and Ben is one, how did that happen?! Everyone says it goes quickly and man it does (although those first three months were rough). I wanted to take the time and document Ben for a day so when he is older he can look back and say "Wow, mom, thanks for doing that, I love it"...or so I can hope.

I have to tell you though when I had this idea, I had a vision for the possible moments I could capture. Well, about maybe 2 of those happened. He usually wakes up talking to himself, or Leia, and then we eat breakfast...he woke up screaming because of his teeth. He also usually takes a bath, reads a book and then goes to bed...well he passed out on the couch at 6:45p.m. Just goes to show how unpredictable babies (Or now toddlers?)  are and truly is a great representation of a day in his life!

First, we eat breakfast...while mom has her coffee :) I had bananas and waffles

Then we PLAY! (Sorry for the blur, I never stop!)

                                    Dad lets me stick my fingers in his mouth! It's a great time

 Then eventually we get dressed for the day, I love to sit on mom's bed...I think I am so cool

Oh, I drool A LOT, all the time...there is always a constant stream. Mom can't get the bibs on me fast enough! 

Then we play some more...toys everywhere! 

Sometimes there are cuddles, especially when I try to fight sleep...

But dad never fights sleep...

                              Oh, I have these moments too, the world is just not fair sometimes!

Then we have dinner, mom keeps trying to get me to eat this cake stuff...I just poke it

               I got presents too! I do like those...Dad thought I needed my first "action figure"

Mom thought these magnets would be great! She was right, this is my best friend Leia on the left

Since it's my birthday I did what I wanted, I passed out before 7p.m. Ha! Just when they thought I had a routine. 

Grief

This time of the year is always rough for me. Mainly because at the end of the month is the anniversary of my father's passing.  I try to remember the memories not the memories I wish I had. Of him holding Ben, him seeing our wonderful home and the list goes on...

Grief is a strange thing to talk about and everyone talks about it differently. For me I either 1)Cry, just ugly face cry or 2) I don't talk about it
I have to say I have experienced a lot of grief with my family and I can recognize things that help me, maybe they will help you too?

Walks: just get out of the house! I am lucky the weather is nice here in GA
Food: I find comfort in great tasting food, making and eating it
Friends: I went to the park with a friend the other day and it was the best "distraction"
Family: making new memories and remembering to laugh

With Logan gone nights it has been hard to distract myself, but I am beyond blessed to have the memories I have with my Dad, he was a great one!

Dancing

This may sound silly but before Ben was born one thing I look forward to was dancing with him. Not the formal at his wedding kind of dancing (although I do want that) but the silly middle of the kitchen dancing with spoons as microphones kind. When I was pregnant I would always dance just for fun with him and I think he took to it! Lately he has been more and more creative with his dancing and I love to watch him. I used to dance with my Dad I think is a large reason I wanted that for Ben and I...I remember multiple times dancing on his toes across the kitchen floor.

With dancing comes music. I have always loved blaring music in my home I feel like its part of what makes our home ours (that and the ridiculous amount of candles always lit around the house! Smell is a great way to feel warm and cozy in a home). When we came to look at our house for the first time the previous owners had their music on and it gave me goosebumps!

These memories we are making are the ones I love. The random ones that you have to make time for because they make life so great. Between all the laundry, dishes, errands just take a moment, stop, and dance! You won't regret it.

Here is a video of his new moves, he is getting creative! Not just the simple bounce anymore.