Feelings

SO feelings are never a great subject with me, I'm better at writing them down and thought this was a good time to do so. Especially since I almost cried when the Starbucks man asked how my day was going today.

Showing a house is stressful. SO STRESSFUL. I try not to stress but let me tell you when you have a one year old who undoes everything you just did it is hard to rearrange your day for a stranger. Then when those strangers come into your home and leave not giving much feedback at all or being picky about things it is super stressful. It makes me want to just yell "MY KID DIDNT NAP TODAY!" or "MY HOME IS BEAUTIFUL" I pray a lot but I've always had a problem letting go and not worrying. It's day by day I suppose.

I guess the real thing that is bothering me is that I love my house but the town I am in is so lonely at times. Everyone has their problems I get that but I feel like I give and have no return a lot. Friendship I guess you would call it? So I am extremely guarded now and it is hard for me to ask for help here in Georgia. Actually I wouldn't even know who to ask. I am beyond ready to move back home where I know I want to build a life and I know I have people there that love me. It's a hard place to be, glad I have Logan and I guess I need to prepare myself better for the weeks that he working long days.

I guess if you are reading this I need prayers! Lots of them. For feelings of loneliness and for our house to sell!

P.S. I just told the Starbucks guy thank you and have a nice day, no real tears!

Time

My first job was when I was 14 working in the kitchen of a summer camp, because I wasn't old enough to be a counselor.  I was blessed with parents that showed me a good work ethic and continued to hold a job until I was pregnant with Ben. As many people know it was right after I resigned from my teaching job to come to Georgia. I have to say Best. Decision. Of. My. Life. Having that break allowed me time, time to heal from my father's passing, time to be a wife, time to think about what I wanted in the future. Although sometimes I think it was too much time (a lot of netflix too) I am now realizing how much of it I lack these days. 

There is a point you reach when you become a parent when you realize things are never going to slow down. It's full speed ahead from here, forget sleep, no time for that. So the moments that I do get to "slow down" or just "take a breath" even if it won't last long. I do it now. I take full advantage. This past Monday I didn't have a vehicle. Which I see now is a blessing because I had a full day of errands and things to be done. Instead I stayed inside and just played with Ben (although I did get some school things done). But I forgot how good it was to feel as if we had all the time in the world just to be silly and have fun.  

Here is Ben showing his "masterpiece" which primarily was him taking the cap on and off the marker but you know, it was a blast (he thinks there's no time for pants...).

Having a toddler has made me stop and look at life the way I used to, to look at things the way he sees them. Remember a time when we loved to play simply? I love watching him play with his cars...taking the time to enjoy these moments is a lesson I am learning daily. Knowing when to stop for the things that matter and not to let the clock run our schedule. 

One last picture, because why not? I know time with loved ones is not replaced and that is ever so important for me to drop everything for those I love. Here is a picture from when my mom was here, we went to the aquarium and it was a blast. 

Teacher things

So as many of my friends and fam know I am teaching preschool at the moment. Which if you had asked me about four years ago I would've laughed at the thought. It wasn't until after I had my son that I had the passion for those younger than kindergarten. The more I read about early childhood education the more I am beyond passionate about teaching.
Here's the thing, when you are in preschool it's not just about the colors, letters, shapes. It's about the people too. It's about manners, and sharing and singing and learning to love learning. These are fundamentals I believe are becoming lost in our schools replaced by standards and "academic readiness."

We are loosing our kids to test scores...

It is my dream to open a daycare/preschool. In that dream I see a house, one with character, where when you walk inside you feel at home. Pictures of the children's families hang on the wall and you are greeted with a hug (my first week teaching kindergarten I was told to be careful hugging kids, erg). I want you to feel as if you have just left your child with an extended family member. Someone who is going to love them for who they are and foster who they are becoming. I want a place where I would send my son. No worksheets, just learning through play. We have forgotten how to play and explore in school. I want to bring that back and it starts with the young ones!

Alright, those are my thoughts for now :)

xoxo Laura

Thoughts and more thoughts

Do you ever have those moments when you have a million thoughts and you feel as if you don't organize them in some fashion you will explode...okay maybe it's just me but that's how i feel tonight.

I've been so "busy" lately with work, school, mom/wife life that I have given up on some things that I so treasured and that has been hard for me. Is this why so many people are grumpy these days? (don't worry I didn't give up my coffee).

Tonight I said goodnight to logan and took time to read my devotional and Bible which I have to confess I have been slacking. Which got me thinking I have so many distractions that I have let get in the way. I really do need to make time and cut out the excuses.

I miss having my weekly bible study and now I truly understand the mom at church complaining about the 10 a.m. women's group. I feel as though I'm slowly beginning to see that divide of working moms vs. stay-at-home moms [It's totally cool you obsess over what kind of food you feed your kid while I'm over here just hoping to get a home cooked meal on the table] Kudos to you mom (denise) I get it now. Don't get me wrong I think it is awesome that mom's can stay-at-home and I wish I was one of them, but I know if I want my kids to go to college (or put a decent roof over our heads) I'm going to have to put my college degree to good use.

So onto the next random thought...the house went on the market last week well (5) days ago. WHAT?! okay I just got over the fact that we were home owners and now we are selling our first home. I have had a total failure in letting go of control with this, and tonight I was reminded of this in my devotional. It was talking about faith and what that word means. I have to let go and that is easier said than done. But when I prayed tonight it was one of those prayers where I just sighed afterwards. A weight has lifted off and one that I need to remember I don't have to carry. I don't have to carry the worry, the fear, or the anxiety. I need to give it up.

Finally, looking toward the future I have hope that we will be in a place that is good for us. A place that will bring us together. We have spent so much time apart since being married and I am ready to have my family together again.

P.S. finally finally, being a mom of a toddler is beyond hard. It doesn't so much make me cry (i have a hard time crying over big stuff, I cry over little stuff like romantic movies or those puppy adoption commercials) but it makes me question myself as a mother, am I really cut out for this? It's hard. Any words of encouragement or scripture is welcome at this moment, because I am not alone and I need to reach out more!

Alright, that is all :)

Home

Have you ever seen the cute video of the daughter father duo singing "Home"? well here it is if you haven't...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L64c5vT3NBw

Anywho, this past week we travelled to our "home" in Indiana and on the way I was reminded of this song and all of it's cuteness. All of the meaning behind the question of "where is home?" as well...

So here is my answer, I think home is:

Those you love

Playing cranium and laughing 'till you cry

Talking until the wee hours of the morning

A glass of wine

Home cookin'

Jokes, some bad and some really really bad

The smell of pine needles

A warm embrace

Embarrassing baby pictures (or in this last visits case, high school pictures)

Long walks

All of these things and more is home to me. I love our time we spend in Indiana and even though there was a time I couldn't wait to leave, now I cannot wait to go back.

Here a few pictures that still make me smile, the first is a picture from a scrapbook I made my best friend in high school. She pulled it out since we had some time to visit baby-free this past week. Also I have to mention how amazing her mom is, who still to this day makes me no bake cookies when she sees me (she used to make them and place them in Miranda's lunch box with my name on them ha!). So wonderful. Life was so simple then....

This second picture is a little more sentimental, my mom's new house has a shed similar to the one our dad build at our old house. The one at the old house had the same star. So ben was playing this last visit and the light hit just right I had to snap the picture because I got the overwhelming feeling that my dad was smiling down on us. It's hard to explain and I get these feelings of remembering him and I cannot wait to share all the great memories with Ben. 

a rose and a thorn

Friends,

You know those silly ice breaker games that you play to get to know each other ... I thought I'd use one to give a little update on my life. I feel like it has EXPLODED. However, here is a
rose:
I got a job! Part-time that is which is a lovely thing. I love having a four day weekend every weekend.  Also, love having something of my own to do.

thorn:
Logan's transmission went out of course the week I started work. So I became a taxi driver that got up at 5a.m. to take him to work. That was not so fun. Did I mention he worked until midnight that first week too?

rose:
I have lost about 26lbs. WOW that seems like a lot. But I started when Logan left for Australia (if you refer back to my previous blog) and no tricks just simply motivating myself. Also, I DID NOT BUY 21 DAY FIX. Or shake something rather....Which I am sure it is lovely but I am really tired of people trying to sell it to me.
I did however start eating smaller portions, running more often, and doing ab work outs. Sorry this is so long but I just wanted to share it really comes down to you and if you really want to loose the weight. I started the exercise because I wanted to loose the baby weight (and so the nail lady would stop asking "when you due?") but what I realized is it feels GOOD to take care of myself.
 P.S. Earplugs in, pushing a stroller is a great stress reliever and it still counts as "outside time" for the babe doesn't it?

Moving on....
thorn:
We have to get the house ready to sell which makes me incredibly sad. We love our home but we are getting ready to move on and it's time to sell. Prayers needed! I feel so adult but that is frightening in the selling process.

rose:
I had a week off of school (the master's kind)! Which I spent free time doing my favorite things such as watching movies with Logan, reading, crafting and etc.

So that's about all I have here. Lots happening but at the same time it's the same 'ol story. Mom life, wife life and just gettin' by life.

Here is a picture just for fun, Ben mowing the lawn...

Take Care,

Laura 

Curls

Since I was pregnant I heard all about Logan's curls when he was little. I have to admit it sort of scared me the thought. It's funny how we picture our unborn children and then they come out completely different but completely perfect.

Well recently I have been fighting with these curls, they are a mess! Then I have moments like tonight where I think "One day I will miss these." I will miss seeing them and knowing that is my Ben, my baby. They make him who he is and I look forward to telling his future wife all about them :) So much of him I want to hold onto just a little while longer. He is growing before my eyes.

Just some thoughts I wanted to write down and one day look back on. Probably when he is a teenager and driving me crazy! I will always love you Benny no matter how "messy" your hair is, you will always be beautiful to me.