Mom Groups

Here's the thing about mom groups. They are great. It gives you time to talk to other moms and usually let your littles get so worn out that by the time they get home they crash. Can anyone say nap?! Amen to that. However, sometimes the lovely littles just don't understand. Let me share a recent experience.

It's summer, my kids slept in, I took a shower, I was feeling pretty good. When I realized it was Thursday and there was a Mom's group, I thought, even better. Got all the kids dressed, packed the bag with snacks, extra clothes, toys, more snacks and the kitchen sink. Off we went. I was so excited to walk in with actual make up on my face and my kids halfway decent.

Fast forward 20 min. I hear shrill cries and my three year old has started to get in a fight over a silly object that I know there were multiple of, but he just HAD to have that one. Strike one. I thought we had recovered but another 30 minutes went by and again something happened. Then the flip of the switch, my normal decently behaved child turned into the "I want monster" Strike three came and we went to the bathroom because I refuse to completely embarrass my child in front of everyone and he had a choice go home or straighten up. He chose straighten up with words, not with actions though. So we pack up and left after maybe an hour.


So the moral of this story. Mom groups are great however we are all moms raising littles. In public places that is a learning experience for our kids. I will be the first to remove myself from the situation if it is not helping anyone.  I know my kid, I know myself. If I do not leave on strike three then you will see mean frustrated mommy. Although you may want to see this, it's not going to happen. I have to be an example for my kids and after all I chose to stay at home and raise them. Best mom advice for in public "Just Leave." If its too much for you or your child no matter how much you planned to have adult interaction that day, the lesson of teaching your little one is far more important.

Tired

I almost debated not blogging because I felt as though most of my blogs are just a sleep deprived mother venting. Then I realized I'm not the only one and the thing that helps me the most is finding others to relate to.

So things I have done in the past 24 hours

Cried
Googled Sleep Training (at 4am)
Cried some more
hugged my three year old!! (How is this possible?)
Left my house technically in what I wore to sleep (t-shirt and yoga pants)
Realized I was wearing all black...but it was too late to turn back
Let my kids take a nap in the car
Ate a cookie cake for lunch
Placed an order at McDonald's only to remember I left my wallet at home
Got out of line, went home, then back to a different McDonald's (only for B's birthday)
Took a 7 min shower (I considered this a win)
Wondered if the sticky substance in my hair was snot or spit up
Checked my bank account, cried some more
Looked at the clock and counted down the hours until bedtime (four)
Wondered if I was ruining my kids
Wished I was loosing weight (then remembered the cookie I ate for lunch)

and now I'm here, instead of folding laundry for the 100th time I am here getting my feelings out. Seems really lonely here lately in the in-between. Sure I'm here at home but it doesn't feel like home yet. Not without Logan here and not without my friends. It is hard. Its a hard time in my life with little support. I think there is a huge lesson at stake and one day I will figure it out but in the in between I just want to shout at the college aged girl in target complaining of being "so tired" or cry in the bathroom but I just can't. You know why? My kids. I have to keep pushing for them which sounds a little cliche but its true. They deserve the best.

I've had a lot of people this month just fail me and that's okay because honestly I cannot rely on them I have to rely on God. This was hard for me  because I love community. I love the thought taking care of one another. I had that everyday in Georgia. I do still have those people in my life and oh my goodness I am glad. They lift me up when all I do is feel like falling.

So to you tired moms, YOU are not alone.

Awful Sleepers

For some reason God decided to bless me with awful sleepers. Maybe it was payback for all those years of sleeping in until noon? Who knows. I have learned some things along the way and although I do not feel like I am an expert by any means I will share in hopes a sleep deprived mom might 

find them helpful one day. 

1) Don't take it personal. THIS this was hard for me. I am a stay at home mom so this is all 

I know. Imagine your boss telling you despite all of your efforts you are not good enough. Somewhere in the blood curdling screams I loose all confidence in my mom abilities. However, it's not me, its just how it works sometimes. 

2) I'm not alone. I seem to make strong willed, sensitive babies. That's okay. I thought I had just "ruined" my first child. Maybe too much rocking, or holding but let me tell you. It's not you and even though it seems like everyone else's kids sleep, they don't. Sometimes they just don't have to deal with them 24/7 so thats not all they know to talk about or maybe they think they are all alone. 

3) Just walk away. Its always better to walk away and let them scream for five minutes then to have everyone screaming. I think every tired mom has used a four letter word in the middle of the night. I have found if I put them in their cribs, walk to the other room and just breath its so much better to go back in. 

4) Drink up. That's right just take shots...of caffeine. Ha! Don't worry I'm not that far gone yet. But really drink a cup of coffee or go on a walk. Just something for energy. Although I know sometimes sugar and caffeine are bad in moderation they can do wonders. I used to fight and fight for people to go back to sleep but sometimes I can trick myself in just getting up if there is coffee involved. Let's be real no one is going back to sleep especially after 6am. 

So that's all I got. Don't give up hope my friend. Soon they will be teenagers. 

Decorating

Oh hello blog, it's nice to see you again. So let me set the current scene for you...husband=gone, kids=sick (so much puke) Me= 2 cups of coffee down. So naturally I want to Pinterest and be lazy all day long. Now, usually I have no time for that but since this kind of sick requires babies to rest I actually have a mini-break. Don't worry it was after a lot of yuck, what's better than one baby with the stomach bug...two! 

Okay, so we moved into our new house in September and of course I had already mapped out my design plan months before, thanks to Pinterest. If you know me, you know how I love to decorate. LOVE LOVE LOVE it...sorry that was the coffee speaking...but really there is nothing I love more than turning a house or room around to make it into a cozy dwelling. So I wanted to write some things I have learned along the way after moving several times. 

First, paint...it can go a long way. I often take forever deciding but it is worth it in the end. 

Second when deciding make sure you love what you hang, paint, furnish and etc. Too many times I have picked up something that "will do" but I am telling you wait, search, then choose. If it is a house you are residing in for awhile you want to make sure it is right. 

Third. Go with your gut. Don't go off of  anyone else's opinion, yes sometimes even your husband, because in the end if it is what you love a reflection of how you want your home to look than it will be great.  

*cue the story about the green lamp* I was beyond proud of bringing home from a local thrift shop and Logan took one look and pulled out the "that's interesting" comment. I still love it though, so much better than the boring white one. 

This home is tiny compared to our last but I wanted it to feel like a cozy home. I hate generic but then again I love trends like the farmhouse look. We have a ton of work still but I love planning it out. Next project is painting stars in B's room and painting a BLUE wall in the hall. Oh and I may throw some subway tile up in the kitchen. The best part about decorating the house we are currently in is that I know we won't be here for forever but because it was "flip" we have the bones, just need to personalize it! 

The makings of the girls room. The pictures do not do the color justice, so much better in person!

Working on some more decorations, still need to find name signs I love...

This was the inspiration from a concert Ellie Holcomb put on in Columbus,GA she had a local artist paint to her music. I went right before I found out we were having two girls and I had a gut feeling I needed this for a nursery in hopes I would have at least one girl.

My "stripey wall" as I call it. Also, Hobby Lobby has some awesome decorating pieces these days, I was impressed.

Hall way color, going with the right one, bright! 

THE green lamp :) and of course baby Jesus, Merry Christmas!

Leaving the Army

We left the army about two months ago now. I say we because it is not just Logan it is our family as a whole. I noticed to many army families leaving is always a goal. It is idolized, the fixer in a way. I cannot count how many times I heard "if only we were close to family" while in Georgia. Well not to be a debbie downer but leaving the army is not a "fix all." In fact it is the opposite.

Yes, it is wonderful to be close to family but after the initial hype people go back to their every day business. Leaving you behind with little support in the feelings you are feeling, because honestly they are hard ones to get unless you've traveled that road.

Now I do not want to sound ungrateful for the help from family I simply want to put into words how it is to leave the army, perhaps helping someone else along the way.

I think the biggest difference is the community. In the army you will get drama but people are willing to drop everything to help out. In the civilian world little things sometimes rock peoples worlds and dropping their schedules isn't a thing. You know what though, that's okay. Another thing I learned in the army is not to rely on other people for my happiness. I also have been reading Lysa TerKeurst's new book Uninvited and she makes a very valid point of saying we cannot depend on the unchanging, unpredictable occurrences of the world but look towards God, who is our stability.

Stability was not known in our lives the past few months. Not knowing where we would live was so incredibly terrifying to me. Which made me realize how spoiled I was and am to have the option of buying a house or a place to live. The army does take care of those basic needs which is a relief many do not have. Always knowing you will have a paycheck coming is foreign to some "civilians."

Also, the stay at home mom is more rare outside army life. Finding people to relate too is harder and harder. It is lonely. I know it will take time though and I will find friends. I think it was hard for me because of how little my babies are, this is the time I NEED to talk over coffee or just hang out. The army is good about that. Connecting people. However, the biggest difference is that now once I do connect with people there is a potential for long term friends that live close by. In the army you make those friends but distance often gets in the way of an everyday much needed friend.


I remember a friend saying to me when they left the army her marriage was a little rocky because they needed that time apart that the army so graciously provides for you. Now, I do not know this one as well yet because Logan will leave soon for 15 weeks but I do know it is weird to have him home in the mornings or to know a time he will be home. It kinda rocks my world sometimes but I know thats because I am a planner and I have a routine. So we are relearning ways to deal.

Well my kids are stirring so I am going to wrap this up, it was long, sorry about that. I do feel better writing these things out because it is hard. It is not what I imagined but it is real and I have to find joy in the life we are making. I love that my kids will have their dad home every day (after academy) and that they have the chance to make lifelong friends in the same town. I love that we will have stability once things settle. The army life seems like forever ago but I am grateful for that time we had. I miss it in a way.

A Day at a Time-Twins

Some things I have learned having twins:

It's isolating, especially with a toddler in the mix 

It takes hours to get out of the door

There is almost always one person crying at all times (including myself) 

Guilt is prevalent, theres never enough time 

We are famous 

People know my children as "the twins"

But...

It is so cool to watch their bond

They make me smile oh so much

There is always a baby to hold

I have an excuse (or two) to stay at home 

People are more than willing to help

These are just a few and I try to balance the positive with the negative. It is hard when I want to take ben on a walk or just sit and play with him because I can't. I just can't.  I have to remember to take it a day at a time and choose to hold on to the good.

This Life

Just grabbed my laptop and have exactly 27 minutes to write this (let's be real more like 5 min). That is the exact time I have until supper is ready. Currently blaring Adele, don't judge, and thinking how crazy this life is...

You see I had no idea I would be here, if you had told me 5 years ago I would have the life I do I would laugh in your face and run. Because that's what I did, I ran (not literally) away whether it be travel to a new place or a new relationship, I just couldn't be held down. That sounds SO selfish right about now but that's the reality. I wanted to make something of myself and back then that meant traveling to other countries or being a leader in the education world. It was a plan I made for myself. 

NOPE. that's what God said! I am so glad he did because here I am making dinner and loving it. 

I love this life even though it is drastically different than what I thought. Even though I have goals for myself still (maybe finishing that masters degree?) they have changed for the better. 

Alright, thats all for now sorry for the word vomit but I hear Ben coming up the stairs...he may or may not be woofing like a dog. Oh boy. 

Love Always.